Bad Movie Top 10 (with Dis-Honorable Mentions)
One of my strangest passions is my severe love for bad movies. No, not a movie that I did not enjoy, rather a movie that was made so poorly that it comes off as a comedy. Or I guess you could argue a tragedy. Either way you look at it, some movies were just so ill-conceived that it led to a beautiful mess. Below are my favorites of these movies, my Top 10 Bad Movies with a handful of (dis)honorable mentions. These do not include B-movie homages or movies that were bad on purpose, but only movies that are genuine in their excremental glory. Click the titles to watch the trailers/clips and you will get a small sample of why I love these films. Then find the movies, gather some friends, and start up a bad movie night, where you all can sit back, relax, laugh, and bask in the absurdity.
A special thanks to my friend Ross for recommending most of these to me, and to Chase, Ellen, and Chris for sitting through most of them with me.
Disclaimer: Most of these movies will include a lot of violence, sex, and coarse language. Some of these clips may as well, though I tried to leave out as much as possible. So if you like that stuff, then these movies are for you. If you don't, you may want to stay away from a good portion of them.
(Dis)Honorable Mentions (in alphabetical order):
The Amazing Bulk: Quite possibly the worst movie ever made, this Incredible Hulk rip-off is shot ENTIRELY in front of a green screen, with all of the backgrounds made out of N64-looking graphics. The plot makes no sense, the "villain" is ridiculous, there is an extremely strange scene with a satellite that I can't even begin to explain, the credits are in Comic Sans and then there is the chase scene, full of every clip art moving image available. If you have not yet developed your bad movie fortitude, stay away from this one. You will know when you're ready.
The Devil's Sword: Once described to me as the "Indonesian Mortal Kombat", this movie is insane. Filled with mythical creatures and magical powers, multiple shots in which a hair is visible on the camera lense, and a man hooking up with a crocodile underwater, this movie embraces its ridiculousness and cranks it up to 11. Now you may be wondering how crazy this movie can get. I implore you to check out this clip, where the amazing villain Banyujaga makes his entrance via a flying rock.
Fateful Findings: Neil Breen is the next Tommy Wiseau, except he makes more movies. If you do not know who Tommy Wiseau is, you will find out later in this post. If you do know who Wiseau is, then you know how big of a complisult (compliment/insult) it is to compare Breen to him. Fateful Findings tells of a man who somehow gets some superpowers that don't really do anything. The man does not use these superpowers often, but instead transfers his efforts to hacking into corporate and government computer systems. If you forget this plan, don't worry, he will remind you quite often. The biggest victims in this movie, other than the viewers, are his poor, decade-outdated laptops, which he continually smashes, drops, and throws books at their screens.
For Y'ur Height Only: One of the strangest fads of all time might just be the Filipino craze that is Weng Weng, a 2'9" leading man. Weng Weng's breakout role is this James Bond spoof, where he plays an identical character to Bond, where he uses gadgets, fights minions and gets the ladies. Except, ya know, he's not even a yard tall. Ridiculous and completely politically incorrect, enjoy the weirdest spy spoof movie ever made.
Hell Comes to Frogtown: I am inclined to believe that the beloved Mad Max: Fury Road would not exist without the gem that is Hell Comes to Frogtown. Tell me this plot doesn't sound familiar...in an apocalyptic wasteland, a man must save virgins from their treacherous captor with the help of a strong lady-friend. Mad Max, right? Rowdy Roddy Piper plays a man named Sam Hell, who must overcome the post-apocalyptic frog-people in Frogtown to save the virgins and repopulate the Earth. Sounds normal, right?
Pieces: My buddy Ross who recommended this movie to me will be disappointed that it did not crack the top 10, as it is probably his favorite movie ever made. Pieces is about a college that is being attacked by a maniac wielding a chainsaw, targeting young women. A college kid, a gay anatomy professor, and a professional tennis player join the police in the search. The movie also features the ultimate red herring, as well as the most random scene I have ever witnessed. Please do not go searching for the scene if you want to watch the movie, it is much better in context anyway.
The Bad Movie Top 10
#10. Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare: I couldn't even find a trailer for this one, but just look at that poster. I did find some clips, but all of them included the final sequence, which you should try to avoid watching if you plan to watch this one. This movie can be a bit of a drag at times, but is worth the wait. A Canadian band led by Jon-Mikl Thor (why yes, that is his real name), travels and travels and travels to a Canadian house in the middle of nowhere to record their new album. Little do they know that another-worldly spirit and very low-budget puppet things possess the house, and they must start fending for their lives. If you watch this, PLEASE be sure to stick it out until the end. It features the stupidest twist of all time along with one of the worst "action" sequences ever put to film.
#9. Hard Ticket to Hawaii: The four lead actresses in this movie are Playboy models, if that gives you any idea of the quality of this flick. After a short search online for a plot synopsis, I could not find one, probably because there really is no point to this one other than being badass. Featuring a great theme song, killer frisbees, an assassin doing handstands and holding a blowup doll while riding a skateboard, and a venomous snake that comes out of toilets, Hard Ticket to Hawaii is a bad movie must-see.
#8. Flash Gordon: If you were a kid in the 90s like me, who grew up with Queen's greatest hits album, you may also have been wondering "What the hell is up with this Flash song?" Well other than having the best theme song to any movie ever, Flash Gordon is the campiest of campy. Ridiculous sets and extravagant costumes abound, this movie follows the star quarterback for the New York Jets, as he travels to space to take on the man who is trying to destroying it, the fiendish Ming the Merciless. It's hard to say that this movie is bad, because I do think that it accomplished exactly what it set out to do. But it is so exuberant that there is a reason it is considered a cult classic. I've heard rumblings of a Hollywood remake of this one, and I'm not sure why it is happening, when the movie is already perfect.
#7. Chopping Mall: The owner of the best title and tagline on the list, Chopping Mall is a little known 80s gem. The story follows some punk teenagers, who stay in one of their father's mattress stores in the mall overnight to have a party and hook-up. Little do they know, however, that the malls brand new security robots have gone haywire, and are now on a quest to eliminate human life from the shopping center. Chopping Mall is a hilariously good time, and I highly recommend it. Thank you, have a nice day.
#6. Troll 2: You will often hear many people arguing that Troll 2 is the best bad movie ever made. There is even a documentary about it called Best Worst Movie. And I can see the appeal. Horrible costumes, laughable acting, a stupid plot, terrible effects, a ghostly grandpa, not a single troll, and plenty of randomness, Troll 2 will have you saying "OH MY GOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD". Troll 2 is bad movie essential material. If you want to get into bad movies, this is a great place to start. Gather some friends and some beers and too much popcorn, and you have an amazing night ahead. Just don't allow your friends to piss on your hospitality.
#5. Vampire's Kiss: By now, you all know my motto: it's not a good list unless Nicolas Cage shows up on it somewhere. Vampire's Kiss features quite possibly Nic Cage's hammiest performance, and that is saying a lot. It is almost as though he is doing an impression of Keanu Reeves, with a slight British twang for some reason. In this film, Cage is bitten by a woman during an evening encounter, and he starts to think that he may be turning into a vampire because of it. What follows is a dark descent into the mind of Cage, who was let loose by the director, to the point of eating a live cockroach for a scene. There was a popular video on Youtube about Cage's famous freakouts, but what is arguably the funniest comes from this movie. In case you did not remember your ABCs, Cage has a reminder for you. As an added bonus, you will see the origin of the "You don't say" meme in this one.
#4. Samurai Cop: Here is another widely known bad movie, and it is certainly popular for a reason. Samurai Cop follows a cop named Joe Samurai as he tries to stop the evil Katana (AKA Japanese Sword) gang from corrupting the city or whatever. The movie features a horny nurse, a flamboyant waiter, and a cop who can apparently speak fluent Japanese but can't pronounce any Japanese names without stuttering. Also at one point, the main actor thought that filming was over, so he cut his long hair. Then, the director decided to do reshoots, so you see the main actor sporting a luscious ladies wig. Another essential, Samurai Cop should be one of your first ventures into the bad movie universe.
#3. Miami Connection: Three years ago, Drafthouse Films announced the release of a restored, lost 80s film. And thank goodness they found it. Miami Connection is a bad movie masterpiece. The main character struggles mightily with the English language. The plot of the film itself is genius: a new rock 'n' roll band, Dragon Sound, whose members know Tae Kwon Do, take on the local group of thugs, the Miami Ninja, to try to prevent them from selling "the stupid cocaine" in their community. Though it is titled Miami Connection, and the Miami Ninja are the villains, the majority of the film takes place in Orlando, at my sister's alma mater UCF. If you want to see a rock band singing about ninjas and being friends, while most of the band members poorly mimic playing their instruments, then fight ninjas and find fathers in their down time, then check this one out. If you don't want to see that, then I don't see how we're friends.
#2. Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky: This one is a bit of a hidden gem, but I am not quite sure why. It is one of the bloodiest movies I have ever seen, and each second of it is hilarious. In this movie, you will see a man punch threw many things, including shields, walls, and stomachs. You will see the greatest attempted murder of all time (warning: this clip is very bloody, but it is also very fake). You will see a girl playing a guy character (I think), an obnoxious teenager who acts and dresses like a toddler, and some of the most insane fight sequences ever. Each kill in Riki-Oh just seems to get funnier and funnier, and holds up watch after watch. This is probably the ultimate "show to your friends" bad movie, and can easily be played in the background of a party, though everyone would start watching it.
#1. The Room: Oh hi, number one! I know, surprise, surprise. I rant and rave about The Room, but it is for good reason. It is the movie that started it all, my first ever bad movie experience. The Room is not only the best bad movie ever made, but it is a major part of my life. I have seen The Room acted out as a play by the original actors. I have become closer with friends and made new ones because of this movie. I have read books and been to book signings about it. I have played catch with and hugged the writer/director/producer/main actor, Tommy Wiseau, even getting him to sign a dollar that my friend drew on to make it look like him. I started to bond with my own "future wife" because of this movie, and an actor from the movie even "liked" our relationship on Facebook. I have been to midnight screenings, hosted screenings, thrown spoons at countless screens, and yelled choral lines along with other viewers. The Room is not just a movie to me, it is part of my culture and my life. The plot to this movie sounds simple and mundane enough, but watch any clip from the movie, and you know that it is anything but mundane. It is a masterpiece.
A special thanks to my friend Ross for recommending most of these to me, and to Chase, Ellen, and Chris for sitting through most of them with me.
Disclaimer: Most of these movies will include a lot of violence, sex, and coarse language. Some of these clips may as well, though I tried to leave out as much as possible. So if you like that stuff, then these movies are for you. If you don't, you may want to stay away from a good portion of them.
(Dis)Honorable Mentions (in alphabetical order):
The Amazing Bulk: Quite possibly the worst movie ever made, this Incredible Hulk rip-off is shot ENTIRELY in front of a green screen, with all of the backgrounds made out of N64-looking graphics. The plot makes no sense, the "villain" is ridiculous, there is an extremely strange scene with a satellite that I can't even begin to explain, the credits are in Comic Sans and then there is the chase scene, full of every clip art moving image available. If you have not yet developed your bad movie fortitude, stay away from this one. You will know when you're ready.
The Devil's Sword: Once described to me as the "Indonesian Mortal Kombat", this movie is insane. Filled with mythical creatures and magical powers, multiple shots in which a hair is visible on the camera lense, and a man hooking up with a crocodile underwater, this movie embraces its ridiculousness and cranks it up to 11. Now you may be wondering how crazy this movie can get. I implore you to check out this clip, where the amazing villain Banyujaga makes his entrance via a flying rock.
Fateful Findings: Neil Breen is the next Tommy Wiseau, except he makes more movies. If you do not know who Tommy Wiseau is, you will find out later in this post. If you do know who Wiseau is, then you know how big of a complisult (compliment/insult) it is to compare Breen to him. Fateful Findings tells of a man who somehow gets some superpowers that don't really do anything. The man does not use these superpowers often, but instead transfers his efforts to hacking into corporate and government computer systems. If you forget this plan, don't worry, he will remind you quite often. The biggest victims in this movie, other than the viewers, are his poor, decade-outdated laptops, which he continually smashes, drops, and throws books at their screens.For Y'ur Height Only: One of the strangest fads of all time might just be the Filipino craze that is Weng Weng, a 2'9" leading man. Weng Weng's breakout role is this James Bond spoof, where he plays an identical character to Bond, where he uses gadgets, fights minions and gets the ladies. Except, ya know, he's not even a yard tall. Ridiculous and completely politically incorrect, enjoy the weirdest spy spoof movie ever made.
Hell Comes to Frogtown: I am inclined to believe that the beloved Mad Max: Fury Road would not exist without the gem that is Hell Comes to Frogtown. Tell me this plot doesn't sound familiar...in an apocalyptic wasteland, a man must save virgins from their treacherous captor with the help of a strong lady-friend. Mad Max, right? Rowdy Roddy Piper plays a man named Sam Hell, who must overcome the post-apocalyptic frog-people in Frogtown to save the virgins and repopulate the Earth. Sounds normal, right?
Pieces: My buddy Ross who recommended this movie to me will be disappointed that it did not crack the top 10, as it is probably his favorite movie ever made. Pieces is about a college that is being attacked by a maniac wielding a chainsaw, targeting young women. A college kid, a gay anatomy professor, and a professional tennis player join the police in the search. The movie also features the ultimate red herring, as well as the most random scene I have ever witnessed. Please do not go searching for the scene if you want to watch the movie, it is much better in context anyway.
The Bad Movie Top 10
#10. Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare: I couldn't even find a trailer for this one, but just look at that poster. I did find some clips, but all of them included the final sequence, which you should try to avoid watching if you plan to watch this one. This movie can be a bit of a drag at times, but is worth the wait. A Canadian band led by Jon-Mikl Thor (why yes, that is his real name), travels and travels and travels to a Canadian house in the middle of nowhere to record their new album. Little do they know that another-worldly spirit and very low-budget puppet things possess the house, and they must start fending for their lives. If you watch this, PLEASE be sure to stick it out until the end. It features the stupidest twist of all time along with one of the worst "action" sequences ever put to film.#9. Hard Ticket to Hawaii: The four lead actresses in this movie are Playboy models, if that gives you any idea of the quality of this flick. After a short search online for a plot synopsis, I could not find one, probably because there really is no point to this one other than being badass. Featuring a great theme song, killer frisbees, an assassin doing handstands and holding a blowup doll while riding a skateboard, and a venomous snake that comes out of toilets, Hard Ticket to Hawaii is a bad movie must-see.
#8. Flash Gordon: If you were a kid in the 90s like me, who grew up with Queen's greatest hits album, you may also have been wondering "What the hell is up with this Flash song?" Well other than having the best theme song to any movie ever, Flash Gordon is the campiest of campy. Ridiculous sets and extravagant costumes abound, this movie follows the star quarterback for the New York Jets, as he travels to space to take on the man who is trying to destroying it, the fiendish Ming the Merciless. It's hard to say that this movie is bad, because I do think that it accomplished exactly what it set out to do. But it is so exuberant that there is a reason it is considered a cult classic. I've heard rumblings of a Hollywood remake of this one, and I'm not sure why it is happening, when the movie is already perfect.
#7. Chopping Mall: The owner of the best title and tagline on the list, Chopping Mall is a little known 80s gem. The story follows some punk teenagers, who stay in one of their father's mattress stores in the mall overnight to have a party and hook-up. Little do they know, however, that the malls brand new security robots have gone haywire, and are now on a quest to eliminate human life from the shopping center. Chopping Mall is a hilariously good time, and I highly recommend it. Thank you, have a nice day.
#6. Troll 2: You will often hear many people arguing that Troll 2 is the best bad movie ever made. There is even a documentary about it called Best Worst Movie. And I can see the appeal. Horrible costumes, laughable acting, a stupid plot, terrible effects, a ghostly grandpa, not a single troll, and plenty of randomness, Troll 2 will have you saying "OH MY GOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD". Troll 2 is bad movie essential material. If you want to get into bad movies, this is a great place to start. Gather some friends and some beers and too much popcorn, and you have an amazing night ahead. Just don't allow your friends to piss on your hospitality.
#5. Vampire's Kiss: By now, you all know my motto: it's not a good list unless Nicolas Cage shows up on it somewhere. Vampire's Kiss features quite possibly Nic Cage's hammiest performance, and that is saying a lot. It is almost as though he is doing an impression of Keanu Reeves, with a slight British twang for some reason. In this film, Cage is bitten by a woman during an evening encounter, and he starts to think that he may be turning into a vampire because of it. What follows is a dark descent into the mind of Cage, who was let loose by the director, to the point of eating a live cockroach for a scene. There was a popular video on Youtube about Cage's famous freakouts, but what is arguably the funniest comes from this movie. In case you did not remember your ABCs, Cage has a reminder for you. As an added bonus, you will see the origin of the "You don't say" meme in this one.#4. Samurai Cop: Here is another widely known bad movie, and it is certainly popular for a reason. Samurai Cop follows a cop named Joe Samurai as he tries to stop the evil Katana (AKA Japanese Sword) gang from corrupting the city or whatever. The movie features a horny nurse, a flamboyant waiter, and a cop who can apparently speak fluent Japanese but can't pronounce any Japanese names without stuttering. Also at one point, the main actor thought that filming was over, so he cut his long hair. Then, the director decided to do reshoots, so you see the main actor sporting a luscious ladies wig. Another essential, Samurai Cop should be one of your first ventures into the bad movie universe.
#3. Miami Connection: Three years ago, Drafthouse Films announced the release of a restored, lost 80s film. And thank goodness they found it. Miami Connection is a bad movie masterpiece. The main character struggles mightily with the English language. The plot of the film itself is genius: a new rock 'n' roll band, Dragon Sound, whose members know Tae Kwon Do, take on the local group of thugs, the Miami Ninja, to try to prevent them from selling "the stupid cocaine" in their community. Though it is titled Miami Connection, and the Miami Ninja are the villains, the majority of the film takes place in Orlando, at my sister's alma mater UCF. If you want to see a rock band singing about ninjas and being friends, while most of the band members poorly mimic playing their instruments, then fight ninjas and find fathers in their down time, then check this one out. If you don't want to see that, then I don't see how we're friends.
#2. Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky: This one is a bit of a hidden gem, but I am not quite sure why. It is one of the bloodiest movies I have ever seen, and each second of it is hilarious. In this movie, you will see a man punch threw many things, including shields, walls, and stomachs. You will see the greatest attempted murder of all time (warning: this clip is very bloody, but it is also very fake). You will see a girl playing a guy character (I think), an obnoxious teenager who acts and dresses like a toddler, and some of the most insane fight sequences ever. Each kill in Riki-Oh just seems to get funnier and funnier, and holds up watch after watch. This is probably the ultimate "show to your friends" bad movie, and can easily be played in the background of a party, though everyone would start watching it. #1. The Room: Oh hi, number one! I know, surprise, surprise. I rant and rave about The Room, but it is for good reason. It is the movie that started it all, my first ever bad movie experience. The Room is not only the best bad movie ever made, but it is a major part of my life. I have seen The Room acted out as a play by the original actors. I have become closer with friends and made new ones because of this movie. I have read books and been to book signings about it. I have played catch with and hugged the writer/director/producer/main actor, Tommy Wiseau, even getting him to sign a dollar that my friend drew on to make it look like him. I started to bond with my own "future wife" because of this movie, and an actor from the movie even "liked" our relationship on Facebook. I have been to midnight screenings, hosted screenings, thrown spoons at countless screens, and yelled choral lines along with other viewers. The Room is not just a movie to me, it is part of my culture and my life. The plot to this movie sounds simple and mundane enough, but watch any clip from the movie, and you know that it is anything but mundane. It is a masterpiece.
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